Crossing my fingers.

So.... I've been a little more busy than usual.

Things have gotten pretty hectic. With a physically draining CCA to top off the existing mountain of schwork I have.

By the term physically draining. What kinda sports come into your mind?
Basketball/Canoeing/Water Polo/Track & Field?

Lol. I don't really know what's gotten into me, but even I've surprised myself by taking up CANOE POLO--->Which is prolly a combi of the 1st 3 sports I just mentioned above.

Goodness knows what has come over me, because I'm a quite an anti-sports cca kinda girl.
Well, I've had my legit arguments for abstaining from sports, though it might be excuses to some.
Like, not wanting to get tan, be too built, cannot run etc.
And by cannot run, I mean it like REALLY CANNOT RUN. Gives me tons of breathing difficulties and a runny nose for god knows what reason la huh.

However, I've decided to step out of my comfort zone and disregard all the factors that have kept me away from sports. I've set my mind to commit to the sport for at least a year or so, and we'll see how things go from there.

Apart from sports, I've quite a number of awesome friends I made in Uni, and that makes up for the depressing lifestyle I'm currently adapting to ^.^
I really love the culture in my Uni, there's always help available and encouragement when needed :)


Sidenote…

When will it be my turn….
To love someone wholeheartedly again.

......

It was hard trying to let you go. Now it gets tougher when I'm missing you.
Going through a rough patch now; I need closure.

The last straw.

Almost brokedown as I left your place. The strong girl that had been resisting her emotions all this while, completely snapped . The floodgates opened, and her vision blurred. Her heart ached badly as she longed for his presence and his comforting hugs. The lights that flickered seem to be mocking her for being so insanely naiive. This is all a girl gets when she loves hard and falls hard.

Finally. I had to end this. I couldn't do this alone anymore - this mentally tiring game of endurance which wears me out daily.
Be it for the better or the worse, nothing's gonna remain the same forever.
It's been prolonged and delayed countless times because neither of us were doing anything about it, and things weren't improving; in fact, decelerating.

It hurts so bad, so so bad. Yet I threw aside all my emotions to fully immerse myself into loving you for the one last time. Just for today, I ignored all the hurt/anger/sadness/disappointment I've felt and channelled my best efforts into creating a last beautiful memory of us. Thank the lord for a successful day, thank you bby for all the laughter and joy we shared. It was a really good idea to watch running man - I momentarily forgot about everything else.

I'm sorry I had to resort to writing you a letter, I guess I would never be able to end things upfront.
Save me the emotional drama, and I leave with dignity.

I hope I don't wake up remembering what I have been trying so hard to get over.
It's exhausting to go through this sickening nightly routine of missing someone.\

May the tears wash away all the insanity.

I'm crazily sad right now. Current state: Insecure mess, heartache, desperately seeking solace.
Sorry I'm a weirdo and I don't deserve anybody's love.

I thought I could get away from all this shit by simply blocking you out of my mind. Took just a mere sms to destroy  the walls I painstakingly built. I'm so disgusted with myself someone please slap me out of this nonsense.

It was all up to you to make the best of our last memories.

I'm falling apart. It's gotten too overwhelming.
I feel so alone.

I need to suck it up and move on because nobody's gonna care whether I'm unhappy or not.
If the one you loved doesn't even give a flying fuck about your mental/emotional/physical health, then maybe no one else does.
Someone please make this pain go away NOWNOWNOW.

One of the most painful things you have to go through: When someone can't even reassure you about their love for you.
And maybe, it would have been nice to hear a lie, even just for a day.

"I should never have cared. But I did care. I care a lot, and I still fucking care."

Love makes us feel like it's worth all the effort, and I've struggled to hold on to this love.
That is why people are so afraid to lose love, because it takes with it a whole chunk of one's entirety.
But I cannot continue with someone who is unsure of his own being in so many ways possible.

"I try to hold on but it hurts too much. I try to forgive but it is not enough to make it all okay"

And after all this ends, I need to occupy myself with a hectic lifestyle. I can't take another vicious round of wallowing in self pity. Teach me how to fcking love when I always find the wrong love.

"I refuse to cry over you anymore. Yes, I still care. Tbh, I think I will always care. But life's too short, and I'm going to do my best to be happy with or without you."

Just give me back the pieces of my heart from the past 7 months.

Love conquers most, but not all

Pleasant surprise last night :) 

Never expected to receive anything this year, you would know what I mean if you'd read my previous blogpost.

Yes, I did have a date.

Proudly annoucing...............

MY COMPUTER! ^^

He was so efficient in providing me the latest updates about happy couples everywhere, yeah.

From various sources - twitter, foursquare, instagram. 

Hohoho all the happy couples sharing their joyous moments while I happily try not to feel too depressed.

It's okay! My date still did a great job, he actually played awesome music to ease my mind :)

Spent the first hour of Valentine's with my awesome gfs ^^

Okay I sound so retarded. Here's reality:

My boy fell asleep the previous night without wishing me happy valentines till noon. (small matter)

Next, we argued and I was so frustrated I din even know if we were celebrating this occasion.

Like should I even do him a post Valentines card or get him a present? Tskkkk.

Did my nails on Vday too, mine's the one on the right! teehee as professional as the manicured one on the left right!

Sometimes I don't have any clue about what I'm hanging on to, really.

This complicated thing between us is deficit of passion and spice.

Almost 6 mths 'together' and yet we've not much memorable events to boast of.

Tired of how unromantic and how insensitive you can be.

What's the language of love?

Last night: Mahjong + Domino's pizza for dinner @ bby's place:)

Winning tiles? LOL I ALSO WISH I CAN WIN WITH SUCH TILES HAHA

play mahjong halfway almost fall asleep LOL.

Meixuan!! The one who always wins my money in mj LOLOL.

Dressed to club but ended up mj with us HAHAHA (Y)

Still super annoyed at your actions earlier.

You were in no position to do that towards me no matter how angry you were. Worse, you were the one at fault?! Your anger doesn't warrant your actions.

I cannot help thinking how easy it was for you to 'ask me to leave'. Fuck youuuu, if I'd really gone off would you chase after me? I could have left right then. So fcking angry I swear. Zzzz.
The whole situation is too embarrassing for words.

And you really say the most incredulous things sometimes.
How can I be hiding away & chatting happily to someone else when I'm so obviously pissed at you?
If I wanted to show you my 'happiness' and 'I don't give a damn' attitude, I would have done it right in your face. I sourced a hiding spot for a very simple reason -  I needed to vent without your presence. I was pissed and I refuse remain in the same room as you, simply because you were aggravating my anger instead of helping  to pacify it!

I took a leap of faith to trust you, and I hope you won't disappoint.

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness"

Must.stop.being.emo

"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly.Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile"

I've tolerated enough nonsense. It's time to break free from all these.
I'll try, hopefully, starting from tomorrow.

Everlasting love is like a fantasy which never comes true.

Look at this awfully cute planner I got from POMO last friday :)

Cute cover which captured my eye, oh yes and its thin yet sleek size!

Smart designer created it so that it spanned the whole width of the book. I LOVE ALL THAT SPACE TO JOT DOWN MY STUFF!!

I can fill in the dates on the mini 'mickey ears' and jot down my events etc!! Great for people who have absolute short term memory.

AWWWW. WHEN WILL I FIND MY RIGHT ONE??

OKK. SHALL GET BACK TO READING THIS BOOK I BORROWED FROM HUISHAN AGES AGO:

She's a libra and I can totally relate to her naivety, her fantasies, her foolishness, and her seeking the balance for harmony :)

I need to love, and be loved

Just did a whole pile of laundry, feels good to clear it, am hopping over to granny's soon!
Been a long time since i visited her.
Must always cherish your loved ones, so I'll hafta visit her as much as possible whenever I'm free :)
IMMA GOOD GIRL!
I'll most prolly be staying overnight at her house, no internet there - which is good cos I won't be bringing my computer over and there won't be any unnecesary distractions. Hehe.
GOOD STUDY ENVIRONEMENT (Y)

Some photos while I was over at Stel's :)

Manymany more gonna be uploaded to fb later!
Kthxbai~~~

The small things which brighten your day

Am back home alr!!!

Having a mask on my face now, getting ready to start on work soon.

Ate alot of junk food at Stel's house, most likely to head out for a swim/jog tomorrow. ^^

Self pampering - Eat good, look good, feel good.

A woman with self confidence is most loved :)

Next up to feeling good: Cleaning up my room!
Just changed my dirty and yellowish keyboard protector, cleaned between the keys, the screen, every part of my lappie!
Now I feel more geared up to work too!
BRING ON THE MOTIVATION BABYEHHH.

Lazy to blog lengthy posts, too time consuming also.

NAH. HERE. JUST FOR LAUGHS!

Love, please descend upon me :)

OKAYYYYY....
So I did kinda not too bad for my exams, but I'm still gonna push myself harder cos I din perform up to expectations for several papers. Wanted all A's sigh.
Just gonna work harder I guess.

I'm wondering who reads my blog these days.
Nobody leaves any tag much, its always the same few friends who're tagging on my cbox!
Comeon people, you could just leave a msg saying 'hi, blah and blah visited or sth', at least help me make my day laaaaa! :)

OR CLICK ON MY ADS HELP ME EARN MONEY! :):):) ♥♥♥

HAO REN YOU HAO BAO! (do good deeds, what goes around comes around)

He's online yet on busy status and not talking to me.
He doesn't auto conver with me.
I know its stupid, its just an interest.
Okay maybe infatuation, crush.
But I'm not going any like gaga over him whatsoever, and I'm definitely not obsessed with him. 
Plain interest only okay.
But I cannot help feeling dejected yet childish.
I've got attention from my girlfriends and friends, but I'm being greedy and wanting part of his too.
Can I?

I see someone reading my blog at this very same moment as I'm typing this post.
I'm really wondering does he even check my fb profile, my tweets, my tumblr, or ask me questions on formspring?
Is he reading my blog right now?
Is he one of the 'suitors' asking me stuff there instead of approaching me face to face?
Although likelihood is 1%, there's still this teeny weeny bit of hope everytime I check out these social networking sites.

But he seems to be pretty unresponsive at times, and idk to take his replies as curt or just plain uninterested!
Sighs, this is what i dislike about mysterious and unpredictable people.
One minute they're nice and friendly, the next moment you see them turning their backs to you.

UGH. maybe I'm just desperate for some love in my life.
Read some horoscope facts that stated 'Libra's cannot live without love in their life', think pretty true ley. 

We need constant attention and love from the people around us, we like to reciprocate, and we need to feel super loved to be happy too :D
Sounds simple minded and childish enough?
Guess that sums me up HAHA.

"Man, I love when I see “Message (1).” I can’t even describe the feeling I get, but it’s like, someone actually cares enough to ask me something personally through a message. I sound desperate, but getting messages are so lovely. I don’t care if it’s a good or bad one. I like being acknowledged."

Tumblr~

Anyway life's been pretty boring as I'd mentioned in earlier posts.
Need some hot hot chili spice hahaha :)

Conversation conflict that's always running through my brain:

A: "Stop thinking about him you goon!"

B: "Oh wait, please have more self confidence, you're attractive enough. Have hope that he might be charmed by you!"

A: "Okay, later make a wish at 11.11"

B: "Why so many days have passed and no seeming response from my wishes!"

A: "What do you like about him anyway"

B: "Idk, keep reminicising about his smile when he appeared in front of me that day, love it haha. But at first no feeling one ley, idk why suddenly miss him so much too :S"

A: "Aiya, be independent laaaaaaaaaaa! Stop it! Your life doesn't revolve around any guy, and you no need to be dependent on any guy to be happy!

B: "I'm trying my best, but it gets harder and harder each day. My mind drifts more easily! I need stuff to preoccupy myself instead!"




P/s: Should i still continue bearing hope till he's not single before i give up? LOL.
Wtf am i talking, nvm. 
Pp/s: Basket, he's still online and not talking to me! HURMPHS. But I shan't be an irritating ass and go pester him either. Likka kid only. Nope I'm gonna wait! 
Ppp/s: If you see this, hope you do not avoid me, or I've got nothing to say. :(