Love conquers most, but not all

Pleasant surprise last night :) 

Never expected to receive anything this year, you would know what I mean if you'd read my previous blogpost.

Yes, I did have a date.

Proudly annoucing...............

MY COMPUTER! ^^

He was so efficient in providing me the latest updates about happy couples everywhere, yeah.

From various sources - twitter, foursquare, instagram. 

Hohoho all the happy couples sharing their joyous moments while I happily try not to feel too depressed.

It's okay! My date still did a great job, he actually played awesome music to ease my mind :)

Spent the first hour of Valentine's with my awesome gfs ^^

Okay I sound so retarded. Here's reality:

My boy fell asleep the previous night without wishing me happy valentines till noon. (small matter)

Next, we argued and I was so frustrated I din even know if we were celebrating this occasion.

Like should I even do him a post Valentines card or get him a present? Tskkkk.

Did my nails on Vday too, mine's the one on the right! teehee as professional as the manicured one on the left right!

Sometimes I don't have any clue about what I'm hanging on to, really.

This complicated thing between us is deficit of passion and spice.

Almost 6 mths 'together' and yet we've not much memorable events to boast of.

Tired of how unromantic and how insensitive you can be.

What we've lost, its hard to regain

I just saw a friend tweet "it's a pleasure to see people grow up"
When you first see that statement, what comes to your mind?

For me, its definitely a mixture of emotions.
More pleasurable or more sadness, i can't really define.

But what I can definitely confirm is that I felt real sad today upon seeing someone whom I wished to see, yet kind of dreaded seeing.
Because everytime I see her, I feel sadness overwhelm me.

First thoughts that hit my mind would be the times we had once spent together, when we were all happy and innocent.
The person I once knew seemed so close yet so far.
And then my thoughts jerks a string in my heart, reminding me she's no more close to us anymore.
We've drifted apart so so so much, till date it seems like our closeness never existed.
From close friends to acquaintances to partial strangers.
It's kind of sad isn't it?
That things take such a turn.
I wonder to think it as a negative or a positive experience.


P/s: Will we ever talk like how we used to, someday, somehow?
Pp/s: Fuck any tests there are. It's already June gosh. Time flies like a bullet goddammit.

Tell me about it.

Today, Stella, Huishan and me just discussed about our boring lives.
Sometimes, rarely, there are bits and pieces to spice our lives up.
However, other than those rare times, everything else seems to be monotonously boring.
I'm living like a walking zombie - severe lack of sleep, horrendous eyebags, a shitty timetable, shitloads of homework, lagging badly in comprehensing tutorials(after a few days of being restless and not paying attention in class), absolutely no mood to study(even though I've been staying out practically everyday to try to study, because sitting at home is totally ineffective, like now.), dropping hair due to stress(over idk what), feeling confused and lost!!!!

What is happening to me.
Think I seem perfectly fine on the exterior, but actually I'm going through inner turmoil.
I know its all part and parcel of life, but I can't seem to control my emotions.
We libras are super emotional people, its our trait I guess.
I hate being like this, hate being like this!!!!
Huishan says that I've matured alot.
Probably, but I've changed alot too.

I'm afraid of venturing into many stuffs(very general - from school stuff to relationships) due to criticism and sarcasm that once befell me.
I talk less often and shy away from people, a very different me as compared to my past, where my life used to revolve around socialising with others.

Now the thought of socialising dreads me, it feels like a chore instead.
Having to go through the fakeness and politeness of entertaining people so as to make them feel more at ease, I'm tired of doing all those stuff to suit people.
People still talk bad about you, they don't seem to appreciate goodwill anyway.
Lots of comments these people unknowingly made affected me quite alot.
* Not saying that I don't unknowingly make comments that hurt people too!

I hate being treated as an outsider, hate it when I do not receive any concern.
My life mostly revolves around my friends, and when these people do not show care, i end up turning myself away and avoiding them instead.
Longing to be blessed like how some are.
I know we're supposed to be easily contented with life, but am I asking too much for not wanting to feel lonely?
I also seem to be on a different wavelength as my friends now.
Cannot blend in, don't know how to open my mouth anymore, don't feel like talking too, and also don't know what to say to ease awkwardness.
Really don't know what has gotten into me.

And seeing the people around me change as they find their other halves, it's hard, even though I feel happy for them.
Jealously occurs at times, but its even more sad that I get to spend less time with them, and then slowly, we drift apart, and things will never be the same again.

I'm not as happy as I used to be :(
I don't like this.


P/s: Eckerene Wong, a few good friends are enough to sustain you! You do not need to have to feel inferior to those who can still maintain r/s with their good friends and yet be well liked by others! Be yourself girl, don't like your life in another's shadow :(:(:(

And it goes a long way back.

 Finally met up with that beloved girl la.

Stupid girl, go China for so long.

Made me and baobei miss her much xoxo.

But that lengthy 6 weeks have already passed!

So now, she's happily back in Singapore, complaining about missing Sg's variety of food, and that the food there was too oily etc!

Ahhh, but at least she did not get fat there lor.

Food oily still can maintain her weight there for 6 weeks.

6 weeks rotting in Singapore and I was the one who grew fatter instead. -.-

Unfair ley. Haha.

So many things happened when she was away.

And so we met up together to catch up on our stuffs. ^^

Had a great time laughing till we rocked over and cried. ♥

P/s: Udders bailey & bourbon icecream made my tongue sizzle when licked!

 Pp/s: Thank you so much Aaron, for bringing down my blogshop digs! (He had to come all the way from Chinatown and lug my stuff that I mailed over to his address for fear of being sniffedout, LOL!)

Mood: Happy

Finally got down to editing my blogskin again.
I'm going more for simplicity nao.
The next round i change my blogskin, I might even remove my chatbox, the many links of others, and use just the provided blogger template just to blog. Haha.
Think it'll shave off alot of unnecessary time needed when i re-edit the details and the html of the new blogskin.
♥ this blogskin. It's almost similar to what I was looking for.
And I can upload huge pictures on it without the pictures being blocked off from the blogskin frame or exceeding its width.
Thankfully, it din take me a long time to find it too(:

Changed to the new blogger uploader too!
Better but more lag. Everytime i press 'enter', it lags. Tsk.

Off to dinner already, bye guys(:

I'm back. A changed person?

Okay, hey guys, I'm back? - To all those who even read my blog, not that i am able to boast about a large fan base and stuff.

Yeah, but i might just stop blogging temporarily.
Because blogging really takes up a shitload of time, and i have other interests and things to attend to than to come rant here every single day or even every other day.

Been quite down lately. And further being influenced by the down moods of my close friends too.

I really wonder if i made a wrong choice. Was it a wrong choice to leave him in the lurch like this, and not to give him one last chance?
But if so, why did he only have the determination and urge to change his attitude and character at the very edge?
Must be afraid of being pushed down the cliff then will react isit?
Before that keep giving empty promises to change for what.
Yes.
No doubt you did change a little, you gave me more leeway.
Yet you scolded me more and complained more!
What's the use you tell me.
It's gonna be you and your nature forever.
Even if saying you'll be able to change now and begging for one last chance,
I really do not see any future in us.
You might be able to change for me now, how about say, even a year down the road?
Would things still be the same?
I need someone who understands me and lets me enjoy my freedom willingly, not someone who wants to change for me at the very edge of losing me.
I do not want you to force yourself to change and be unhappy, no matter how much you're willing to sacrifice for me.
Both sides will suffer at a later stage.

Thus,
I'm did so to cause less hurt between us at the very end.
And,
I do not believe that long relationships before marriages last.
Many real life cases I've seen.
They always cock up somehow or rather.

Time to focus on my studies nd learning process.

End-of-story.
Goodbye.

This ain't easy, I'm tired.

It's already March 1st!
I did not even realise it till i was checking for the time at the side of my computer sidebar.
Time flies huh.
And I am being weirder by the second.
I am changing so much, not used to it too.

The CURRENT me is so unlike the me in the PAST.

People say, when you change, you're actually changing yourself to adapt to others.
So in life, no one ain't really them ownself righttttt?
No matter how much they repeatedly say they do not care about other's views on them, or that they are being their ownself.
In fact, we all have actually changed to some stage, whether we like it or not.

I used to backstab others as a form of revenge when I found out that they had backstabbed/fronstabbed me.
Along the process of living, I realised that frontstab is a much better alternative than backstab.

"Revenge is not always sweet, once it is consummated we feel inferior to our victim."
Emile M. Cioran

I tried to bring myself to shoot the person in the face for critisicing me or stepping me down, but always failed to do so.
I could never face the person and chide him/her straight in the face.
Call me a coward, anything you like.
But I always felt that once I took that move, bad blood would breed between us.
Everyone would definitely agree that they did not want any enemies in their life right?
And neither did I want further backstabbing and hatred between me and the person.


Thus, I slowly succumbed to being the silent one, accepting all the bad things being spread behind my back.
I let people use me as a joke in my face, for sarcasm and criticism, without any arguements.
I was a fairly easy target, with no retaliation and courage.
It was a tough thing to do really, even until now.
I always pretend i know nothing, or that I'm simply fine with it, hiding my emotions behind my big smiles.

HOW LONG CAN I PUT UP WITH THAT ACT?
I'm freaking tired of facing these kind of hypocrites.
You know who you are.

One day. I am so gonna start standing up for myself.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Eleanor Roosevelt