Andwhenyoufeelmyheartbeating, doyoufeelthesame

SHIAAATTTT. My bodyclock is officially screwed. Just ended yet another mahjong session earlier and my body refuses to hibernate for the night (technically,morning).
I probably look more haggard anyone's mum now lah wtf. LOL
NEED TO SLEEP. kkz time to force thyself to bed.

And guess what. I just realised it's only a day away from Valentine's. Sometimes I feel like a full fledged single, yet I still harbour hopes for a memorable V day despite knowing better not to expect anything. Sighhhhh. I really wish I could actually look forward to celebrating a memorable occasion with you. From special dates and joyous occasions like my birthday, 11.11.11, Christmas to New Year's day, AND NOW Valentine's Day, I have never received anything really special, nor have you made much effort to bring me to somewhere nice to celebrate. On the contrary, you weren't even present during these dates. I understand that you have a duty to serve the nation, but the least you could do was to make up for it in some other way?

Ever since the disappointment of the 3 major dates - my birthday, 11.11.11 and New Year's day, I decided to drop all hopes of any surprise in store for me. Waited and waited but they never happened. I could probably incubate an egg while waiting. It really feels like I'm expecting money to descend from the sky.-thoughts and wishes that are so far from my reach.. It's hard to keep faith in something verbal, I need to see you put them into action.

Mutual love is hard to come by, and I hope you'll fcking treasure it cuz when all is lost, you'll only see yourself weeping badly in a pile of regrets.

P/s: Anybody up to be my date for Valentine's? LOL. I'm not gonna be stuck hibernating all day. Hahaha

Like a broken arrow

I kinda get what people mean when they say depressional thoughts are contagious.
And I think I've been infected.
When you're feeling all time low and the people around you ain't doing any better themselves, the virus spreads like wildfire, it's easy to get hooked on.

So I've spent a lot of the past 3 days reblogging emotional tumblr quotes (on a seperate tumblr which I newly created - obviously I won't taint the timeline of my public tumblr with negativity.) There's always this dark side of everyone, of which I keep mine in check pretty well. Yes, my insecurities would probably eat me up alive. I can't let all the shit in my head get to me so I'm blocking them out on a daily basis.

It's quite fucked up, I disgust myself wondering why I feel this maze of emotions which I can never seem to resolve.
And its a vicious cycle that hits the rewind button every time night befalls.

That said, sometimes I do feel like an expert in being emotionless.
It's gotten to the point that I can actually numb myself and eradicate the pain immediately.
No thoughts, no feelings, just point blank.
It's been chucked into the RAM of my mind, waiting for someone to agitate it before I stash it deeper.
The safe zone. Where all my pain is contained, and no one can reach it. Not even ME. LOL
It's a place where I avoid visiting, and I'll prolly need to move mountains before I'd  be willing to budge near those boundaries.
Yes, I've locked up those feelings well.

OKAY THIS IS A SUPER RANDOM POST.

On a happier note, FINAL YEAR PRESENTATION IS OFFICIALLY OVER!
Now I'm left with the bits and pieces of work to clear up - reflective essays, peer evaluation, last min tutorials etc. HEHEHEHE.

I can't believe I actually managed to sail through this major project despite all the negative experiences that cropped up along the way. (Everyone had conflicts, relationship problems yada yada the list goes on) The process to getting this project done was super tedious, how many sleepless and late nights that saw me through hearing the morning birds and sleeping only when the Sun was up.
I really can't wait for this week to be over, and 12 days to study before my 2 final papers, AND GRADUATE!!!!!

GRADUATION IS ANOTHER SCARY PROCESS I WILL TALK ABOUT IN A LATER POST.
Gonna rush my BCOMM Sales Solution now, CIAOSSSSSS ^^

Stel, Me, Reina!

P/s: Happy with my winnings in banluck + baccarat @ Mingzhou's house last Saturday!

Pp/s: I really wanna have a gathering with all my Secondary sch gfs soon. Still owe Wanlim a birthday surprise and dinner since Dec 5. Everyone's been so busy and all. Sighhhhhh. ):

Talk less, more action.

Have not been in the mood to blog because I hardly ever have time for myself.

Busy enjoying life as much as I can, because its my last year, so yeah, work hard, play hard.

Schedule's packed to the brim every week, even after cutting down on night activities as I'd promised myself, I still have to salvage every moment to get ample rest.

Does cutting down on nightlife come packaged with withdrawal symptoms?

Because it seems like I'm a victim of my own doing, I tire super easily, and I've been pretty much sleeping many days off for the past 2 weeks.

It's like I reach home, and straightaway my body switches to sleep mode. HOW NOW BROWN COW??!!

So near yet so far. Oh why play such a joke on me.

Whoohoo! IT Law paper today went quite okay I suppose, definitely much better than CMA. I love the feeling when you 'spot' the correct topics for examinable questions! Heehehe :D
But the revision lecture helped alot too. Without it I think I can jump off a building due to info overload, because there's too much info to digest. Felt so suffocated rushing everything last night, with a freaking 3hr+ nap. AND MY CHEST LITERALLY CONSTRICTED, making me have occasional breathing difficulties.

I think the pressure I exert on myself to excel gets higher each year. First time stressed till I feel that my body's so full of toxic, I think way more stressful than my O lvl period lor. Singapore's not getting nice to live in anymore :<

Really sucks leh. So young only so stress. Cannot enjoy my youth properly before I become a young adult meh!! Okay lah, I'm stressing myself out so badly cos I don't wanna be stranded without a degree(die also need to get into SIM). Sad sia, no money to further my education overseas, so I've to fight my way into a local PRIVATE university. Zzzzz.


BTW IM SUFFERING FROM ACCUMULATED FATIQUE. GONNA STONE ANY MOMENT SO GOODBYE!!

:(

Slept 2hours only again and now I'm up at this nonsensical hour, preparing for test later.
Hate morning tests, really.
Esp those with leaves us so much things to memorise! Can't they just start it off at a later timing???