W, I miss you.

My heart feels unwell.

Not because of boy-girl relationships, but because of friendships.

Somehow, I'm sick and tired of people coming and going in my life.

Maybe I over expect from people.

Yes, I know there's this saying that goes 'let the past go in order to welcome the new'.

On the contrary, I'd prefer to keep it the other way in friendships.

Look, people who've stuck with you since a long time back would definitely be more valuable than new-found friends, and you save yourself the hassle of knowing a person all over again.

I've nothing against making new friends, really.

Nonetheless, I wanna keep the best of both worlds and maintain good relationships with both sides.

I don't wanna lose one's friendship to the other.

And if there's a choice, I really wouldn't mind sacrificing newfound acquaintances to retain my old friendships.

However, I think its kind of late to say this.

Time management already poses a huge problem for me, let alone dedicating equal time to all my close friends.

I suck at multitasking, therefore, proper time utilisation is yet another obstacle, e.g I cannot chit chat on phone while doing projects/homework etc.

I cared about W all the time, but I showed him little form of concern. (everybody cares in a different way alright)

However, I was ready to be there for him anytime he called.

I had always been there for him when he was down, and I still am now.

It was always me with my busy life, neglecting to call him. Yet he still initiated calls, made the effort to call me even with his busy schedule.

We knew we weren't as close as before, discussed about it, and we were both okay with the decision as our circle of friends were no longer the same and we had our own lives to live.

He even admitted that he called me when he was bored, or when he was down smoking and felt like talking to someone.

He probably used me to kill time but I cared for him enough to overlook that fact.

Many months passed and I still din telephone him. Tada~~~

NOW HE TREATS ME COLD LIKE A STRANGER.
We don't joke and laugh like in the past.
Sometimes he ignores me and cannot be bothered to even greet me anymore.

I know I've a big fault for not maintaining my friendship with him.

But before you judge me. You have to know that I really had no common topic, no common interest to chat with him anymore then. It was always small talk, me complaining about life(which I suspect he kinda hated), and me trying to chat up the past in order to keep the conversations going.

Each time, it was just a monotonous, cyclical conversation. So tedious.

No more HTHT, deep, and meaningful chats.

It came to a point where there was absolutely nothing to say to him, nothing I wished to share with him anymore, so I held the mentality 'why bother to call if its always a meaningless conversation each time'.

We barely communicated, and it became quite obvious that we were thinking on different wavelengths.

Once in a blue moon, I did attempt to call him, conveyed the message that I missed him badly, asked him out, yet somehow I sensed he wasn't keen to meet me.

He could meet others, yet be too busy for me.

Told him upfront about how I felt, and all I got was a reply 'Gotta go back train for tennis competition, etc'

Competition wise, I understand. How about after your competition? STILL NO TIME???

You might have no patience to listen to me whine/complain, you can find me annyoing.kiddy whatever.

But do remember who was there for you when you woke me up in the middle of the night with your calls, crying your heart out, brooding incessantly over the same problem.

I gave you utmost priority, put others on hold, put my homework, sleep and everything else on second base just to listen to you get wasted & complain each night.

There was once you fell asleep on the phone and I waited a whole fucking hour like an idiot and you din seem to appreciate it too.

I really cannot fathom what the hell happened between us that we degraded to this stage, but I will do anything to revive this friendship to a better level.

Please don't treat me so coldly, others can sense it from 10 miles away.

And please don't look like I've slapped you in the face when I ask for a hug from you.
I don't deserve the kind of attitude you're treating me with now.
I believe in my worth and I deserve more than that.